Listen Actively to Your Child's Perspective, Even if You Don't Agree

Ever tried to keep a straight face while your kid explains why bedtime is 'actually illegal' or how their sock is 'attacking' them? Welcome to the Olympics of active listening, where the gold medal is… not losing your mind. If you’ve ever nodded along while your child invents new logic, this one’s for you. Spoiler: You don’t have to agree, but apparently you do have to listen like you’re on a high-stakes negotiation show.

When kids feel truly heard (even if you disagree with their sock conspiracy theory), their brains light up with connection and trust. Active listening boosts their self-esteem and emotional regulation, and teaches them their thoughts matter—a neural recipe for resilience and confidence. For parents, it can lower power struggles and help you keep your cool (or at least fake it until bedtime).

How to do it

  1. Pause whatever you’re doing—even if you’re halfway through microwaving your coffee for the third time.

  2. Get down to their level. Make eye contact; this is your new superpower.

  3. Repeat back what you heard, no matter how wild it sounds. For example:
    "So you’re saying broccoli is plotting against you?"

  4. Resist the urge to jump in with solutions or corrections. Let them finish telling their story.

  5. Validate their feelings. Say something like:
    "That sounds really frustrating."

  6. Only after you’ve done all of the above, gently share your perspective or set a boundary. Remember to keep your empathy turned up to eleven.

Key Tips:

  • Take a genuine pause to show you’re fully present.
  • Eye contact helps build trust and connection.
  • Reflecting their words shows you’re truly listening.
  • Hold back on advice until they feel heard.
  • Empathy and validation go a long way before offering your own thoughts.

When your child starts a passionate (or bizarre) explanation about anything.

Pause and say, 'Tell me more about that.'
Give yourself a mental high-five or whisper, 'Nailed it,' before responding.
Put a sticky note on the fridge that says 'Listen First' as a visual reminder.

When your child returns from school or daycare and starts unloading their day.

Make eye contact and repeat back one thing they said.
Smile and think, 'I just leveled up my parent XP.'
Set a daily phone reminder titled 'Active Listening: Activate!' for the after-school chaos window.

When you hear the code word or notice your child looking extra intense about a topic.

Stop and say, 'Okay, I’m listening—go for it!'
Do a secret parent victory dance (internal or external, your call).
Choose a family code word (like 'banana') that you or your child can say to request a listening ear.